He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
