I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
