I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
