she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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