i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
