Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
