I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
