Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
