I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
