I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
