i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
