Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize