oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
