Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
