Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
