I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I will die if light touches me.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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