I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
