Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
