Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
