you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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