the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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