I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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