you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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