I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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