Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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