I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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