insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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