We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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