Can i not drive my cunt home
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
