The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
