so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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