I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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