Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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