i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
