Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
