I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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