Church boner. Awkwardddd
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
