dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
