just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
