I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
