you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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