my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
