My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
