absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
