I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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