I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
