Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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