It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
