We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
