So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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