a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to calm my uterus...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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