from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
