Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
