I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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