I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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