Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
