sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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