Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
