ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize