I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
