I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
