dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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