you're like a bully in the Christmas story
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So many bounce houses so little time
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
