We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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