don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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