we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
