His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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