community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
