She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
