part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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