how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
