Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

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  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (50206) Bad night (2378)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!

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  (928): Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look! http://tfl.nu/iwt3
  Replies (38) Good night (6905) Bad night (782)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"

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  (519): I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now" http://tfl.nu/0x96
  Replies (12) Good night (3955) Bad night (1166)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.

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  (201): Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is. http://tfl.nu/gvpy
  Replies (15) Good night (8330) Bad night (1214)
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  (323): View more from California

  it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway

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  (323): it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway http://tfl.nu/ikbt
  Replies (10) Good night (3308) Bad night (1064)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

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  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (11432) Bad night (1960)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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  (727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp
  Replies (0) Good night (1485) Bad night (930)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night

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  (210): If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night http://tfl.nu/5uhb
  Replies (4) Good night (2184) Bad night (645)
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  (518): View more from New York

  It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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  (518): It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear. http://tfl.nu/ktyi
  Replies (20) Good night (851) Bad night (1813)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.

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  (903): Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/q5rg
  Replies (4) Good night (1315) Bad night (517)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair

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  (712): On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair http://tfl.nu/1z3p
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (615)
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  (530): View more from California

  Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

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  (530): Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it http://tfl.nu/avbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1695) Bad night (577)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.

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  (830): A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work. http://tfl.nu/eqs6
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (352)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.

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  (971): I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uskm
  Replies (5) Good night (594) Bad night (305)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.

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  (706): But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it. http://tfl.nu/x7s2
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (568)

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