The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.