I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL