Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that

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  (413): his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that http://tfl.nu/fcpw
  Replies (6) Good night (773) Bad night (2292)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

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  (601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r
  Replies (42) Good night (5102) Bad night (976)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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  (610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck http://tfl.nu/4xap
  Replies (35) Good night (6483) Bad night (1408)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon

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  (+44): He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon http://tfl.nu/s25m
  Replies (5) Good night (4699) Bad night (1187)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.

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  (361): I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots. http://tfl.nu/podd
  Replies (8) Good night (2234) Bad night (1055)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.

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  (503): I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes. http://tfl.nu/0nvq
  Replies (9) Good night (2181) Bad night (688)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life

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  (425): I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life http://tfl.nu/15hg
  Replies (15) Good night (1651) Bad night (788)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2892) Bad night (718)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.

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  (219): How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code. http://tfl.nu/zcfb
  Replies (7) Good night (1718) Bad night (671)
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  (707): View more from California

  That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on

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  (707): That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on http://tfl.nu/xdbh
  Replies (1) Good night (1288) Bad night (547)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Ya that ship has sailed dude

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  (317): The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh. (1-317): Ya that ship has sailed dude http://tfl.nu/5hyc
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (562)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there

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  (402): You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there http://tfl.nu/v9qy
  Replies (2) Good night (1623) Bad night (466)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.

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  (608): We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you. http://tfl.nu/0tab
  Replies (7) Good night (1280) Bad night (464)
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  (424): View more from California

  I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn

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  (424): I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn http://tfl.nu/bfkb
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (259)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.

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  (360): I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell. http://tfl.nu/86ec
  Replies (5) Good night (223) Bad night (385)

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