Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
