is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
