...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
